33 lessons in girlhood

Oh, how I (truly, madly, deeply) love being a woman

Feb 10, 2025

Today is my 33rd birthday and I have to say… I feel more alive than ever. My Saturn has officially returned. And tbh, I think my Saturn might have gotten lost on her way back home because it’s been a bumpy ride! But with each bump in the road comes another life lesson to learn.

After reflecting on the last decade (as one does on a birthday), I compiled 33 of the best lessons I’ve learned on this cosmic journey thus far. Some are tiny and silly, others are big and transformative. I wanted to share them with you. Just in case your Saturn is a little lost, too.

Lessons in girlhood — Girlhood is forever

If you wouldn’t wear clothes from someone’s closet; don’t ask them for fashion advice. If you like it, trust your instincts. This is the best way to find your personal style.
Write down mantras and quotes that speak to you and refer to them often. They become foundational to your decision-making process and help you stay true to yourself. Some of mine:
She who dares, wins
Respond to every call that excites your spirit ~ Rumi
Luck favors the prepared
If it comes, let it. If it goes, let it.
Adult friendships eb and flow. When they eb, reflect. When they flow, celebrate.
Live abroad when you’re young and impressionable. I moved to Spain when I was 22 and fresh out of college to keep learning the language and work as an English teacher. Immersing myself in another country and culture at that age shaped my perspective on the world for the better. There’s much to learn from a place with thousands of years of history and pride. There’s also a lot more to unlearn than you’d think.
Don’t get back with your ex. A lesson you’ll learn, and learn, and learn again. Let the past sit in the romantic past. There’s a reason why things didn’t work out the first (and second, and third…) time. It’s a canon event, but if you were looking for a sign: this is it.
Take a second. The biggest difference between my 20-something brain and my 30-something brain is how I take a deep breath before responding to my stressors. Sometimes it’s a quick pause, others it’s a whole day. You’ll never regret giving yourself more time to settle into your feelings and reply when you have a clear mind.
Take yourself out to dinner. Sit at the bar, bring a book, engage in some flirty banter with the bartender. There’s power in being able to exist on your own. Being solo should never stop you from doing the things you want to do.
Hair, makeup, outfit. If you want to feel put together, always have at least two done before leaving the house.
Call, visit, and spend time with your grandparents. Ask them questions about their youth and listen actively. It’s fun to hear about where you came from.
Buy yourself flowers. Especially on or around Valentine’s Day. One of the sweetest, most cost-effective self-care habits you can practice.
On left: 23and Spanish as ever | On right: weekly bodega flower run
Nothing feels better than doing the big, scary, hard thing. Your most memorable, defining moments exist on the other side of taking a leap of faith and doing something bold and brave.
It’s true what they say: hangovers get worse with age. Take advantage of the bounce back while you’re young and spritely. Your 20s should be very fun. Seriously, don’t forget to party!
Saving money will always be in vogue. Finding an expensive-looking coat secondhand, learning how to make barista quality lattes at home, buying basics from Old Navy, getting 2-for-1 of anything… thriftiness is a great skill to have.
… but there’s nothing quite as exhilarating as buying yourself a Chanel bag in Paris. One of my goals when I turned 30 was to buy myself the dream bag I always wanted (ever since LC was on The Hills and Blair was on Gossip Girl). A quilted, black caviar leather, top-handle Chanel. To buy it for myself, with my own money, at the original Rue Cambon boutique in Paris was one of my proudest moments. Plus, shopping luxury in Europe is strategic because you get the VAT tax back ;)
Washing your hair solves most problems… even if temporarily. Feeling sad, anxious, overwhelmed, angry? Wash your hair and cleanse yourself of the emotion. Do it especially when you don’t want to. (BTW, this also helps dramatically with the 30+ hangover).
“Nothing good happens after midnight.” I like the sentiment, but can we petition to move it to 1AM? Some of my favorite moments exist in that extra hour… and all of my least favorite ones have happened after it, lol.
Be your friends’ biggest, loudest cheerleader. When your friends win, you win. Go the extra mile to let people know you see and celebrate them. “I’m proud of you” is one of my favorite compliments to give.
If you can’t stop thinking about it, buy it. Waiting to buy something goes hand-in-hand with the thriftiness mentioned above—but, if you’re still thinking about it weeks later, it’s meant for you! And who knows, it might go on sale for Black Friday and sell out and you’ll never be able to get it… all you’ll have is a mirror pic, regret and a million places you wish you could wear it.
Be diligent with thank you letters. Gratitude practice extends beyond the self. Thank you letters are a lost art and always appreciated. Some occasions that might warrant a hand-written letter: the first time you stay at a SO’s family home, when someone connects you for a job opportunity, when your friend throws you a party, when your parents spend time helping you work through something… etc.
If you want to look a little cooler, wear shoes that don’t really match your outfit. A small but effective tweak that adds interest to even the most basic look. Heels with track pants. Moto books with a babydoll dress. Sneakers with a tweed skirt.
On left: my first-born baby | On right: the sold-out dress I can't stop thinking about
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. And trust me, they’ll show you eventually. You can only mask character for so long.
Talk to yourself in the mirror. I’m being soooo serious. If I am in a negative thought spiral or full of anxiety and conflict, I go to my bathroom mirror and have a conversation with myself. I make promises to myself this way, as I am sure others do by writing them down in a journal. I also talk to the mirror when I am proud of an achievement or excited about something. A little personal heart-to-heart. (This goes along with the only one who will always have your back is you).
Live by yourself for at least a year. Bonus points if in a new city! You don’t know who you really are until you come home to an empty apartment.
Surround yourself with cute things at all times. There’s no reason not to drink out of a whimsical coffee cup. Or write with a puffball pen. Fill your life with adorable things that make every day romantic.
Creating a network is an active task. Keep in touch with your work wives from your previous roles and always, always leave on a high note. Almost all of my jobs have come from past connections. It plays to play the game.
Find a hobby! Be bad at it! Get better! I tried a bunch of different hobbies last year and now bead embroidery is one of my favorite ways to wind down (and my creations make for cute, personalized gifts).
Don’t let people f*ck with you. Define your boundaries. Walk away from people, places, and things that don’t serve you or feel right. Learn how to speak up for yourself. The only person who will always be there to have your back is you. Defend that girl to the death.
Don’t show up to the party empty-handed. Also, if you bring someone flowers and they’re not in a vase, offer to put them together once you get there. A hostess doesn’t need another task!
When visiting another country, learn a handful of helpful words in their native tongue. Hello, goodbye, yes, no, please, thank you, bathroom, how much is this?, can you help me?, do you speak English? Write them in your phone and practice on the flight. It’s a beautiful sign of respect and curiosity.
Read more books! It doesn’t matter if you’re picking up a Pulitzer prize-winning novel, listening to a celebrity memoir audiobook or binging a smutty faeire romantasy series. Reading keeps your mind and imagination active.
On left: my favorite bead embroidered shirt | On right: cute things, at all times
Be loud about the causes that are important to you. And yes, causes should be important to you. The change you want to see in the world is possible, but only if you’re a part of it.
Your relationship status doesn’t define you. Contrary to popular belief, when you are 33 and single, your life is not over! Don’t let societal pressure be the reason you end up unhappy, stuck, or settled. Selectiveness is sexy.
And finally… If you feel called to live in New York City, live in New York City. Not everyone gets that call, but if you feel it (and you’ll know) – GO. It will change your life in the best, hardest, most fabulous way.